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  • Family Checkup 0/5

    • Lecture1.1
      Communication 10 min
    • Lecture1.2
      Encouragement 15 min
    • Lecture1.3
      Supervision 10 min
    • Lecture1.4
      Setting Limits 20 min
    • Lecture1.5
      Negotiation 10 min

    Negotiation

    Are you able to negotiate emotional conflicts with your teenager and work toward a solution?

    Negotiating solutions offers parents a way to work together to solve problems; make changes; promote and improve cooperation; and teach youth how to focus on solutions rather than problems, think through possible outcomes of behavior, and develop communication skills.

    Destructive Behavior and Negotiation

    • Negative example: Dad gets angry
    • Positive example: Dad stays calm

    Set Up for Success

    When:

    • Select an unemotional or regularly scheduled time (not in the middle of a problem).

    Where:

    • Choose a neutral place with few distractions.

    How:

    • Choose problems that are small and specific.
    • State the problem neutrally.
    • Recognize the other person’s positive behavior.
    • Accept part of the responsibility for the problem.
    • Restate what you hear, show understanding, and stop if you get too upset.

    The Steps to Problem-Solving

    Problem-Solving Traps

    • Don’t try to solve hot issues.
    • Don’t blame the other person or put the other person down.
    • Don’t defend yourself—try to let it go.
    • Don’t make assumptions about another person’s intentions.
    • Don’t bring up the past—avoid using words such as “always” and “never.”
    • Don’t lecture—a simple statement will get your point across better.

    Brainstorm—open your mind to all ideas:

    • Try to come up with three ideas each.
    • Any idea is good—even ones that seem silly.
    • Take turns coming up with ideas.

    Evaluate your list of ideas:

    • Go through and list the pluses and minuses of each idea.

    Choose a solution:

    • Combine ideas if needed.
    • All of you should agree on the chosen solution.

    Follow Up

    • Check in with each other after you have tried your solution a couple of times to see how it is working.
    • If it isn’t working, go back to your list of ideas.
    • If necessary, start over with some more brainstorming.

    Practice Skills

    Video: Neutral Problem Statements

    When making neutral problem statements:

    • Be brief.
    • Be specific.
    • Use a neutral tone of voice.
    • Lead with something positive.

    Video: Negotiating Solutions

     

    Negotiating Steps:

    • Make neutral problem statements.
    • Generate possible solutions.
    • Evaluate solutions.
    • Choose a solution.
    • Follow up to see if it is working.
    Prev Setting Limits

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