Are you able to negotiate emotional conflicts with your teenager and work toward a solution?

Negotiating solutions offers parents a way to work together to solve problems; make changes; promote and improve cooperation; and teach youth how to focus on solutions rather than problems, think through possible outcomes of behavior, and develop communication skills.

Destructive Behavior and Negotiation

• Negative example: Dad gets angry
• Positive example: Dad stays calm

Set Up for Success

When:

• Select an unemotional or regularly scheduled time (not in the middle of a problem).

Where:

• Choose a neutral place with few distractions.

How:

• Choose problems that are small and specific.
• State the problem neutrally.
• Recognize the other person’s positive behavior.
• Accept part of the responsibility for the problem.
• Restate what you hear, show understanding, and stop if you get too upset.

The Steps to Problem-Solving

Brainstorm—open your mind to all ideas:

• Try to come up with three ideas each.
• Any idea is good—even ones that seem silly.
• Take turns coming up with ideas.

Evaluate your list of ideas:

• Go through and list the pluses and minuses of each idea.

Choose a solution:

• Combine ideas if needed.
• All of you should agree on the chosen solution.

Follow Up

• Check in with each other after you have tried your solution a couple of times to see how it is working.
• If it isn’t working, go back to your list of ideas.
• If necessary, start over with some more brainstorming.

Practice Skills

Video: Neutral Problem Statements

When making neutral problem statements:

• Be brief.
• Be specific.
• Use a neutral tone of voice.
• Lead with something positive.

Video: Negotiating Solutions

Negotiating Steps:

• Make neutral problem statements.
• Generate possible solutions.
• Evaluate solutions.
• Choose a solution.
• Follow up to see if it is working.